How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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