If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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