I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
