Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
