I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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