don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
