My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
