you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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