actually, I'm a sock model
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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