I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
