Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
