i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
