My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
