New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize