is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
