I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
