out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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