I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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