I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
