Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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