I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
