why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
