I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
