Me too!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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