let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
