so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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