yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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