I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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