I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Im part way to drunk.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
