On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
