why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
