She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
