Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
