I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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