So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
