No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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