This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
