I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
