Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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