Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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