and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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