The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
