running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
