i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize