So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize