but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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