Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
