We're facebook friends in real life
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
