i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
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Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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