i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
