It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
