marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
