Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
