i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I need a beard to bite.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
