we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
