I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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