That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i think i just naturally attract stoners
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
