i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
