I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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