id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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