Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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